29 November 2010

A Christmas Tree... in November

A few days ago, I put my Christmas tree up. Yes, early. I've been informed that it's bad luck to do that before December. But I figured hey, if all the stores can do it, and Ballantynes even dare to do their huge, nightmare-invoking creepy moving, talking window display shenanigans, then why not me too?

Well, it turns out I shouldn't have been so hasty to scoff at the superstitious weirdoes. Either it is bad luck, or I've somehow managed to spill a ton of salt on a mountain of broken mirrors and haven't noticed. ('cause I totally believe in that too). I'm having one of those weeks where you just know getting out of bed is a terrible idea.

Here's a random poem to illustrate the excrementality of my mood. I was trying to write a happy thing to make myself feel better.
Monday

The coffee in the bottom of the pot is too strong
Oily; and through its film
She imagines she can taste
The fulcrum on which everything rests.
Bagpipes are playing across the square.
It’s that tune that bagpipes always play
The one that everyone knows
But no one can name.
Happiness fail. But before I depress you to death, or worse, alienate every one of my reader (not a typo, unfortunately), I guess I'd better provide some funnies. 

Roll the NZDating hilarity!
HIM: Howz it going cutie
HIM: What you upto tonyte
ME: Polishing my special text-speaking-people assassination knife.
HIM: True so do you like what you see at all Cauz you look pretty dam hot
ME: Yeah, the blade's all shiny and stabby and beautiful and oh, so ready to go.
HIM: Btw you pretty dam hot and cute
HIM: Let me know when you wana talk about yourself other then the "KNIFE" lol xoxo
HIM: Hay cutie what you doing
ME: Sitting at my computer fervently hoping you will just shut up and go away. :(

HIM: Does it matter that I look like Quasi?
ME: Yes.

HIM: hello anne,havu had n ntrestng dae? or same shit dffrnt dae lol.luv ur complection
ME: jklsdj jioennu u839whuies dhguysghj. llpio! sdhfieh :)
HIM: holefeelucknnell wtf?
ME: Oh sorry, I thought I was speaking your language.

22 November 2010

About A Boy

Whoa. It turns out it's been a while since I've blogged. I could whine about killing my computer (I'm sure it was traumatised by the earthquake - nothing to do with the way I treat my laptops... honest). Or I could say it's all your fault for not commenting on my posts to make me feel loved. Really though I've just been lazy. Also I've been kissing a boy.

Yes, I finally got conned into being in 'a relationship'. He makes me coffee in the mornings. Never underestimate the power of coffee over a girl's heart. Plus his Mum likes me. That was enough of a novelty to make me curious.

Nah. Seriously I like him because he's a vampire. All the kids tell me that's so 'in' right now.

Never fear, however! I still have my NZDating profile (albeit with an updated 'relationship status'). I know it's the only reason anyone reads these things. 

So, some things you missed over the past two months:

HIM: I just signed up to this thing and your the first message Ive sent. Your profile made me laugh, and you had me writting a message right after the part where you own books without pictures, Im an american so I dont know how to read. Im visiting your country this summer for two or three months. I live in alaska, im not as blond as you, 33yrs old, am a little better looking than you, and like to joke around and have fun. I dont know if this is going to go through so Ill keep it short, ohh im two meters tall plus a tiny bit.
ME: Ahahahaha, you think you're attractive. You're right. You do like to joke around.

HIM:  lol wat about idiots that can read . mm you're pretty sexy . ive seen you online alot . just didnt have the balls to message ya . wat part of town ya from ? hope to hear back from ya . oh and if ya want a pic i can send one via cell
ME: I'm from hidingfromyouville. It's a great suburb. Lots of people here.

HIM: a little puzzled Ok you seem great, interesting and funny but you are in a relationship. Also please explain what a semi-colon is? Sounds messy...id rather let a doctor deal with that....i have a whole intact colon so im fine.
ME: So... if I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't be great, interesting and funny? Last time I checked, the two states were not mutually exclusive. Hope this clears up the puzzlement.

HIM: hey. how are you? my name's stu.. am 29. i'm into having a good time... enjoy sport's. i am the youngest of four. and have five nephew's. would you like to chat. and go from there?
ME: Hi. I have a boyfriend and know where the apostrophe goes. Here's a clue: it's not in the doughnut.